When a husband is much of a friend than an enemy, a lover than a spouse, a partner than a man of the house, losing such a one fills the surviving wife with anguished sorrow. 

Grieving over the loss takes time and, if not for the motions of living, life is just meaningless. One goes through his things, keeps them and hangs on to them. She rereads the sweet exchanges of communication either in emails, phone text or letters. Remembering his thoughtfulness, tenderness and companionship makes the grieving wife pathetic. No amount of comfort is appreciated because to her she can only be assuaged of the pain by dwelling on his memories.

Loss leaves a void; an emptiness that no one can ever fill. The one left behind loses a helpmate, a shoulder to lean on, a special friend; most of all, a loving husband. To most wives left behind, the ordeal is hard emotionally while we have to cope with demands of living for the rest of the family. In our aloneness we can only shed torrents of tears. Crying is the only means to let out the devastating feeling of pain. Missing the beloved takes its toll during the night when there is no one to talk to, no one to snuggle with, and no one to be intimate with. It is not so much missing a lover; it is much about missing a beloved one. We can no longer hear the voice, the laughter, the annoyance, the sweet-nothings. Oh, the deafening silence is unbearable.

We can be irked by unsolicited words of comfort from family and friends because they can never understand the pain of loss. They do not soothe at all. We have ourselves to take stock of how we feel. It is, indeed, unfair to treat those who mean well for us, and it is equally unfair to our children who also lost a father, and not minding their feelings. We have one another to hold on to. We have to reach out to one another so as not to fall into despair. We have to have normalcy in the house after grieving. We can tell ourselves: “I, as the forlorn wife but a mother, have to get over the grief and carry on the parent duties.”

Perhaps our experience of sadness may be different with others in like situation. From time to time, and even most times, sadness creeps in, but our eyes would now get misty, no longer filled with tears. We are done with crying, but our hearts still have that gnawing pain inside. Our pain will now be a pain of remembering, not of loss. The memories are alive and those somehow keep us going.

The only consolation we have is our prayers for our beloved. We connect to them in a spiritual way. We hope that our loved one is happiest with God and remembers us. Love is ever growing with fondness. As the saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

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